1 Month

Dear Jake

I can’t get over the fact that you have already reached a month old.  It seems just like yesterday, I was laying on the couch, way too pregnant to do anything, anticipating your birth with a bit of anxiety.  I remember the night before you were born, I layed in bed all night, trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were going to be born early the next morning, and trying to figure out who you were going to look like, what your personality would be, how big you would be, etc.  I couldn’t imagine any of it, and it made me a bit scared.  How do we go from one baby to two?  How would Jared react?  How hard would it be with two babies in the house?  All these thoughts that I had placed in the back of my brain for 39 weeks came flooding out, and kept me from sleeping all night.  I did manage to rest just a bit, but then 4 am came around and it was time to get up and get ready to go the hospital.  I was overly excited to see you, but tried so hard to just stay calm and enjoy it all and not wish any time away.  We kissed your brother goodbye and headed off to the hospital at 5 am.  You came into this world at 7:56 am, screaming and thrashing around, and perfectly healthy.  They placed you on my chest and I got to spend a minute or so staring at you.  I immediately said you looked exactly like your brother, but then about an hour and half later, and a few pumps of the morphine drip, I realized you were so not your brother.  You were nothing like him.  You looked different, and to this day, act different.  Although you were one ounce bigger than him, you continue to be a bit smaller than he was at this age.  Hey, you may even have a bit more of my looks than your brother does.   I remember staying so calm during your delivery, but crying the moment you were out.  I was so happy to know you were okay and were safe.  To endure bronchitis in the first trimester, to blood transfusions in the second and third trimesters, it put me at peace to know you came through all of that healthy.  To this day, I feel so calm and at peace with you.  I haven’t felt stressed about not knowing what to do, because when you do throw a fit, all I have to do is pick you up and you immediately start to calm down.  You make sure you require a bit of snuggle time with me every day, by being a bit fussy before you want to go to sleep.  I almost wish for some of that time, so you and I can snuggle and you can fall asleep as I stare at you.  It is my favorite time of the day.  Jake, we love you so much, and you fit so perfectly into our family.  Your brother loves you more than anything, and can’t stop giving you kisses.  We have to teach him right now that you don’t want to play ball with him, as he throws tennis balls right at you.  I look forward to you and your brother growing a wonderful friendship.  We love you, Jake!

If we had the choice of who to pick out from heaven, it would have been you.

Mama gives you 8 million kisses.