Nanny For Hire

I’m hiring a nanny.  That’s right, a nanny.  Or a midnight feeding person.  Whatever you want to call them.  Someone that will work from 11pm to 6 am every night.  They can snuggle, feed, do whatever they want with little Jake as long as I DONT HEAR HIM AND DONT HAVE TO GET UP!  This kid, I’ll tell you, is a genius.  He can tell time.  He can tell you when it has been exactly 3 hours from the last time he ate…seriously, like to the minute.  Sometimes though, his radar is off, and he cries after 2 hours.  Instead of choosing to ask mommy for some snuggle time during the day or early evening, he chose last night, at 12:30 to require mommy time.  So yes, after Scotty  made a huff getting out of bed, I got up and took him to the chair. (Jake, not Scott) The genius immediately fell asleep on my chest, and before I knew it, it was 2:15.  My big ass slept through Big Brother After Dark and spoiled my little Jake by snuggling with him in the dark of the night.  I’m really hoping he didn’t enjoy it, because the last thing I want is for that to be a habit at midnight.  I quietly plopped him down back in his warm, comfy crib and ran like hell back to bed in hopes of sleeping for hours.  And what happened?  My genius woke up 45 minutes later for some milky.  Then, get this, only ate half of his bottle and passed out.  Seriously kid?  Half?  That means you will be up again in like a hour or something and Mommy is gonna lose it. I gave up the fight and went back to bed, and Scotty was up with him at 5:15 in which he viciously ate all his bottle.  That’s right, all of it.  All of it was eaten for Daddy, and maybe because we weren't in the middle of the night anymore.   Because, you know, he complies with everything during daylight hours.  Genius. 

He may look all sweet and innocent…